Welcome to the April edition of Conversations, the Fierce newsletter. Several of you commented on the new look, introduced last month. Thank you for taking the time to tell us what you think. All feedback is always welcome and can be given at info@fierceinc.com.

This month we are excited to introduce a series of articles leading up to the publication of Susan Scott’s new book, Fierce Leadership: A Bold Alternative to the Worst “Best” Practices of Business Today. We also have a follow up to Chris Douglas’ inspiring visit to Dubai and a look at Fierce Conversations’ 5th Principle: Obey Your Instinct.

Feel free to comment on any of our articles on our Fierce blog. We look forward to our next conversation.

1. A Worst “Best” Practice 

Hello Everyone. My second book, Fierce Leadership: A Bold Alternative to the Worst “Best” Business Practices of Today, will be published in September, addressing six “best” practices of leaders that not only fail to resolve the problems they’re meant to resolve or achieve the results they’re meant to achieve, they actually escalate problems. The book will recommend six alternative practices to take their place. After all, reality has shifted and those who cling to old practices that no longer serve them and perhaps never did, will fail to thrive. Seriously. Fail to thrive.

In this newsletter, I will touch on the first “best” practice and hope to provoke your thinking, in subsequent months, regarding all six.

Consider that you are always practicing something. The question is: what are you practicing. And why? Are you emulating practices of well-known, global companies, many of whom are now struggling and, in some cases, bankrupt? It’s time for some original thinking.

 

What is “fierce” leadership?

The simplest definition of a fierce conversation is one in which we come out from behind ourselves, into the conversation, and make it real. Fierce Leadership requires “real” and much more. And you don’t need the title, leader, to step up to the plate.

There’s a bold, compelling line between “leadership” and fierce leadership. It’s okay to cross the line. In fact, it’s essential.

Here is the short definition. 

Fi(ə)rs Lēd ər.sH ip

Function: Noun

 

1. a fast-acting anti-venom to the business-as-usual mode of high task/low relationship, self-serving agendas, directing and telling, anonymous feedback, holding people accountable, excessive use of jargon and mandating initiatives that cause people to weep on too many fine days.
2. the act of acquiring your most valuable currency – emotional capital.
3. also signals the demise of truth-telling squeamishness and ethical squishiness.

 

You will begin to cross the line, dropping into a different kind of serious, a different way of being, a different quality of relationship, once you understand and act on the central premise at the heart of everything Fierce:

If you want to become a great leader, gain the capacity to connect with colleagues and customers at a deep level...

... or lower your aim.

While conventional measures of business success shouldn’t be ignored, human connectivity, as opposed to strategy and tactics, is the next frontier for exponential growth and the only sustainable competitive edge, more visibly useful than ever before. Since connectivity is essential, how does the following practice measure up?

 

“Worst” Best Practice #1: 360 Anonymous Feedback

Which word in “360 Anonymous Feedback” alerts us that a company professing to value openness, honesty and transparency is out of integrity? Anonymous. I expect to take a lot of heat from those who make a living ensuring anonymity, but I believe that, while there is a time and place for anonymity, we only need it in trace amounts.

It starts early in our impressionable lives – this attraction to anonymity. This hiding. So it’s no wonder that, when there are invaluable opportunities for candor, we send in good old underpaid, overworked “anonymous”, slip the feedback over the transom and run like hell. The fact is that 360 anonymous feedback rarely creates real or lasting impetus for change, which is crazy because the whole idea is to encourage professional growth and it most certainly doesn’t connect us with one another; rather, it tends to drive us apart. Here are a few highlights, or lowlights:

 

• The culture suffers side effects. Commercials for the latest, greatest drugs include the warning that side effects can include loss of vision, muscle spasms, internal bleeding, uncontrolled barking and sudden death. OK, maybe not barking, but you get the drift. The warnings for anonymous feedback should read: “Not to be used within organizations that value honesty, transparency, or openness or by anyone who views “authenticity” as a desirable character trait. Side effects can include a culture of terminal niceness, avoiding or working around problem employees, tolerating mediocrity, beating around the bush, dancing around the subject, skirting the issues. If you experience rapidly deteriorating relationships or have difficulty maintaining eye contact with others, call your doctor immediately as these may indicate a serious problem and could become permanent.”

• Most people hate performance reviews – hardly the response you’d hope for regarding a best practice. Other emotions associated with performance reviews include: dread, anxiety, hopelessness, fear, frustration and a firm conviction that a trip to the bathroom for a surreptitious examination of the boil on your backside would be a far better use of your time.

• Anonymous feedback doesn’t tell us what we really need to know because it is ANONYMOUS, lacking specific examples to support the evaluations and instead, using sanitized phrases and a “score” of some sort, all of which tells the recipient very little about how to improve his or her performance. 

• When the feedback comes only once or twice a year, it rarely immediately follows the behavior that generated the evaluations so exactly what we did right or wrong to merit a certain evaluation often remains a mystery. We are embarrassingly clueless about how our behavior affects others anyway, so lacking timely, specific feedback, we are unlikely to change our behavior.

 

• Most feedback merely affirms what we already know about who we have been since the day we were born. Our reaction is, “Yep, that’s me alright!” Creating real impetus for change requires compelling feedback, delivered in a way that gets our full attention. 360 degree anonymous feedback fails on all counts.
  

 

• Even anonymous feedback isn’t honest! This may be the most bizarre, unexpected “tell” of all. When no one will know it was us, you’d think we would tell it like it is, or at least, like we see it. We don’t.

 

• Triangulation (otherwise known as talking about people behind their backs) is a popular bonding activity. Friendships are formed over person A and person B’s mutual loathing of person C. People don’t talk directly to the persons with whom they have difficulty. Instead, they talk about them behind their backs.

 

• Employee engagement scores are low. Face it, the formal language of feedback is uninspiring and de-motivating. Does “satisfactory” capture anything specific that we could feel good about? Would it inspire us to work harder, do better? How about “meets expectations”? The colorless language of anonymous feedback, with its numbers, ratings and boxes to check, is soul killing. 

 

• People aren’t told how much they are appreciated. It’s a huge tell if your recognition program occurs every two weeks and is called a paycheck.

 

• When managers decide to let someone go, they must wait or risk a lawsuit. When we finally reach the end of our rope, we learn that we’ll have to have the conversations we’ve avoided in the past, give the employee another chance, and document the heck out of everything.

 

• You and others aren’t motivated to do your best work. We get what we tolerate. Without timely, candid feedback, people whose behaviors or attitudes are a problem continue unchanged, blissfully unaware, dragging everyone down, including you. One problem person becomes a rock in everyone’s shoes.  Rather than remove the rock, we grow accustomed to limping, while execution is delayed and frustration grows.

 

• Relationships flat-line and fail. The conversation is the relationship. When the conversation stops because we don’t want to risk a negative reaction or if you and I add our candid assessments of each other’s performance to the list of things we’re unable to talk about, all of the possibilities for our relationships grow smaller.

 

• There is no joy in Mudville. Employees walk around unhappy, unhealthy, on edge, bored, unengaged. Your company is not happy workplace. Just a workplace.

 

• The organization’s long-term survival is at risk. Profits are down, customers are fleeing, good employees are leaving. This occurs in part because an organization professing to value honesty and openness while promoting anonymous feedback is out of integrity. Companies in which stated values actually drive behavior and decisions will weather tough times far more successfully than companies whose practices are at odds with their so-called values statement.

• Respect for leaders is waning. Everyone is thinking: How could you, our leader, allow this to continue?  Would somebody please bell the cat?!

• You become invisible. If you remain silent in the presence of poor performance or a lousy attitude, you will become increasingly invisible to yourself and to others. Yes, you will safe. You will also be anonymous, undifferentiated, your identity blurred. With mounting unease, you may realize that you are what’s missing.

• People fail to grow professionally and personally. It’s hard to imagine anyone of substance saying, “I’m so glad I’ve remained blissfully unaware of how others feel about me, enjoyed few insights into my character and have experienced zero growth as a human being.”

Anonymity is addictive and contagious. We grow accustomed to it, become anesthetized, barely registering the consistent message our gut has been sending us for years. “Tell the truth.” And we infect others. Ask yourself, where else does anonymity live in the organization and what damage is it doing? At what level in the organization? In what other situations are people withholding what they really think and feel? What are the implications?

 

My publisher would be displeased if I revealed more prior to publication of Fierce Leadership, but no doubt you can guess correctly at the replacement practice for anonymous feedback. The book will walk you through what to do and how to do it. In the meantime, consider that while most leaders fulfill their basic job descriptions, including conducting performance reviews, filling out surveys, listening politely (with gritted teeth) to anonymous feedback, Fierce leaders do something more interesting, more real. They engage in compelling conversations that translate to stronger relationships and better performance, which translates to personal and professional success and happiness.  

Who deserves your praise? Who deserves an apology? Whose behavior or attitude is causing serious problems? What are you waiting for?

2. شكرا لك Dubai 

For awhile we have felt that Fierce should expand our presence in the Middle East. We were there last year and led very successful workshops in Dubai, U.A.E. and Jeddah, KSA. It made sense that a company that believes ‘the conversation is the relationship’ would be well received in an area where relationship is a fundamental part of the fabric of life. So, recently I went to Dubai to explore the possibilities. I expected that this trip would be rewarding and mind opening and I didn’t expect to what degree.

I met many amazing people that I will forever call friends like; Khaled Adra, from Lebanon, George Saad from Syria, Hashem Alwazzan from Kuwait, Rania Mostafa, first generation Canadian with Egyptian parents, just to name a few.  Let me introduce you to one of them.

 

Hashem saw Susan Scott speak at the ASTD conference in San Diego last June and was still so moved by her presentation that he reached out to us inquiring if the book Fierce Conversations had plans to be published in Arabic. Of course we would be delighted for that to happen and ultimately it is up to the publisher. I told him that I would be in Dubai and we quickly made plans to meet.

On the day before I returned to the US, I had a very moving meeting with Hashem. Educated in the US (BS/MS University of Michigan), he is a very serious and traditional young man. He sees his faith in Islam as the way to make himself a better man and recognizes that this is a common link between all faiths, to become better people. He is very comfortable in western garb but prefers Arab dress when at home in Kuwait. Hashem is 26 years old, married, smart, driven, and yet quick to smile.  The phrase ‘contributing to humanity’ is part of his email signature. And he believes that contributing to humanity is the path for all of us to live better lives on this earth.

 

 

He was quietly challenging and asked me some direct questions like how did I felt about President Obama reaching out to Iran (I thought it was very moving and extremely needed), and did I believe that Dubai was representative of the Middle East (like Las Vegas is the model for the US)? And although both places are manufactured, they are still full of real, genuine people, representative of the countries, or states. He spoke eloquently on how electing President Obama would help the US get back to our belief that anyone can become anything they want with hard work, passion, and a clear vision. I hope that more people in the U.S. are starting to feel that way too.

Hashem teaches at the University in Kuwait, is a financial adviser, and works with his father in a training and consulting business…a very busy young man. He clearly sees the link between conversation, relationship, leadership and success, and feels that Kuwait and the Middle East in general would benefit from having more transparent, authentic, and candid conversations. He spoke of how the people of the Middle East value relationships and yet these same people can't talk clearly and directly about important issues. Welcome to the world.

We talked of how we all desire to connect deeply with each other, our business colleagues, our friends, our families, our governments…and how we all tend to muck it up. He has a passion for education and non-profits and will be creating businesses that view success by both profit standards and social standards.

When I arrived in Dubai I was excited, curious and a little afraid, and I left with so much hope for the world. I see so much of my children in Hashem, Rania, Khaled, and George. This generation that is coming up will become leaders with global, social and environmental consciences. I had high expectations for this trip and I guess I just didn't raise the bar high enough. I can truly say that I have been transformed by the people I have met and I have a feeling that I will be back there again soon.

3. Ask Fierce (Monthly Column) 

“When I have an instinct that something is going wrong, how do I obey my instincts without upsetting the other person?”

The fifth principle of Fierce Conversations is “Obey Your Instincts”. That’s “obey”, not “listen”. Big difference. While being open and listening to what my instincts are telling me is important, if I don’t do anything with that information, it’s pretty ineffectual. I can listen for days, weeks, months and not do anything different. To obey implies taking action. So, when we say, “obey your instincts,” we mean act on it, bring what you feel into the conversation.

And it’s important that we remain open to receiving messages, wherever they come from. You know that feeling in your gut that something is a little off. That voice in your head telling you there is something more to this conversation than what’s being said. Because if we continue to keep our heads down, to ignore what we feel, then eventually we will stop receiving those important messages. We will become deadened to it, hearing and experiencing only what is on the surface. We will lose the ability to dive below the surface because we won’t be able to see what’s under the surface.

The key is being conscious and thoughtful about how we act on it, what we do with the information our instincts are giving us. And that is where there may be potential to get derailed or run into difficulty. Remember, just because you feel like something is off doesn’t mean that you have all the answers or that your partner or co-worker is having the same experience.

I got reminded of the importance of what to do with my instincts just last week. I have been asked to co-chair a large event, working with twenty plus strong leaders – all who have worked with each other before, but not with me. My role is to be a liaison between the different committees working on this project, and ensuring each task is completed on time and within the budget.


Of course, a lot of our conversation is occurring over email. And we all know what can happen with email – misunderstanding and misinterpretation, right? (Good ol’ email!) In an exchange with some of the leads, I found myself feeling a lot of push back, and I was beginning to take it personally! I felt like I was being encouraging, thankful, sharing my thoughts about what might work. And yet the emails I was receiving back seemed to me to be full of reasons why progress wasn’t being made, why it couldn’t be done within our budget, reasons and excuses. No recognition for any of my ideas or encouragement. My gut was screaming, “Victim-mode!” And I was getting pretty heated about it – we’re on an extremely tight deadline.

With the amount of energy I had around this, I could easily have created a very negative wake in confronting them. Fortunately, my husband reminded me to be curious about what was behind the behavior. So, the following day, I scheduled a meeting with the members and asked a lot of questions. It became apparent that the budget I had set was based on incorrect information and it was too low to accomplish what they had been asked to do. They were panicked, understandably, and appreciated acknowledgement of the situation they were in. And I now know that it wasn’t me personally they were struggling with. We were able to reevaluate the budget and they have been able to complete their task.

Most of the time, your instincts are right. There is something there. However, your perception of what is causing the problem or why it’s there may be incorrect. Things may be unclear. Maybe you’re missing some critical information. Perhaps, like me, you’ve jumped to a mistaken assumption.

So, while our instincts are a wonderful barometer to track how the conversation/relationship is going, the trick is to bring them into the conversation without putting your partner(s) on the defensive. And also to be willing to be wrong about the details. Leave yourself open to hear what’s below the surface. What is being left unsaid.  It may be a real clear message that you are missing some valuable information that can clear everything up. The good news is that most of the time people are not out to get you! They may be struggling with something that is getting in the way of their success, and it may be coming across as negativity or aggression towards you.  

So, obey your instincts, AND be open minded when investigating what the realities are that are raising your red flag. Remind yourself that this is the best time to be thoughtful and compassionate.

4. Fierce Workshops: Save The Date 

Attending one of our workshops is a wonderful way to evaluate Fierce for your organization. You will experience each program in its entirety. You will work on real issues. And our facilitators and team members will be there to answer your questions. If you would like more information, please click one of the options below.

April 20th and 21st in Seattle, WA

Fierce Conversations (2 Days) - SOLD OUT

 

May 18th and 19th in Seattle, WA

Fierce Conversations (2 Days)

 

July 20th and 21st in Seattle, WA

Fierce Conversations (2 Days)